Tinder For Gay Women

The Dangerous
Myth of Attraction

What’s Really Preventing You From Closing the Deal and Getting More Women Back to Your Bedroom…

Apr 19, 2018 What Happened When I Changed My Tinder Gender Setting To 'Men & Women' For The First Time. In the summer of 2016, I was completely single for the first time in four. Tinder, for instance, will often throw up men as options for women who have set their preferences for other women. The app allows users to upload three pictures and a short bio. Photograph: Scissr.

So what is the dangerous myth of attraction preventing you from getting women out on dates, getting the kiss, closing the deal, and getting her back to your bedroom?
The dangerous myth is that: attraction is black or white

• That a woman either wants you or she doesn’t
• She’s attracted to you or she’s not
• She would sleep with you or she wouldn’t

Now that’s NOT how attraction works.

Listen careful to what I’m about to say:
Attraction is NOT Black or White

This means that a woman’s opinion of you can change by the year, month, week, day…. Even by the hour…
Now this comes with good news and bad news…
Let’s start with the good news…
The good news is that even if you didn’t make a stellar first impression you can still win her over and get her wanting you…

• Even if you’re not her “type” or she only sees you as a “friend”…
• Even if you’ve sent her a horribly embarrassing text…
• And even if she’s dating someone else and acts like you don’t even exist…

In a few minutes i’m going to teach you how three simple texts can change all that..
But first, I’ve got to give you some bad news…
Just because a girl has given you her number, told you to call her, or has even been out on a date with you… Does not automatically mean you will ever see her again….
When she handed you her number she did not sign a “social contract” agreeing to go out with you… It just means she was interested or attracted enough at the moment to give it to you…
Now, that interest and attraction is a good start…
Just don’t make the FATAL MISTAKE of thinking that once a woman gives you her number its game over: you win

Because The Game is actually just beginning….

In the summer of 2016, I was completely single for the first time in four years. I moved to a new city, and knew I wanted to meet new people. I was harboring my queerness, and at the time, only my ex-boyfriend knew of my sexuality. Most people in my life thought I was straight, but I knew I was attracted to people of any sex and gender – I knew I was queer. So when it came time to select my Tinder gender settings, I was pretty damn nervous about making my sexuality official. I didn't know what to expect when dating girls, non-binary, and genderqueer people– I only knew how to navigate dating a guy. And who would I talk about this new journey in exploring my identity? My ex-boyfriend? Yeah right. I didn't know what to do. So at first, I avoided it.

When I downloaded dating apps that summer, I only selected the 'men' gender option. Because of the mutual friend feature on the app, I didn't want to inadvertently out myself when talking to someone. A girl on Tinder who'd have mutual friends with me could easily ask that friend how they know me, they'd say from school or South Florida or something, they'd in turn ask that girl how she knew me, and voilà. I'd be outed.

I bought and wore this hat before the 2016 election. I wasn't out yet, but it was a little way of being visible in the queer community.

I went out with some guys from Tinder and JSwipe (theJewish version of Tinder), and then began to play with turning on the 'men and women' gender setting, just to test the waters. At first, I didn't swipe right on any girls, avoiding any potential matches. I just wanted to see who was out there. I saw queer girls proudly proclaim their sexual identity on their profiles or mark their bios with cute pride flag emojis, while I still felt hidden, like I was peering into a community I didn't really feel a part of yet. Seeing their profiles made me want to meet them, but honestly, I felt stuck.

I wanted to go out with people of all genders, but I still hadn't told almost everyone in my life I was queer. So, I toggled the 'men and women' option on and off while weighing my decision on whether to come out or not.I knew basically everyone in my life would be accepting, but coming out is a hugely vulnerable process, and I was scared to face being so open with people – I don't really like talking about deeply personal topics with a lot of people in general.

Another thing hindering me from actually matching with women on dating apps was I didn't even know what my sexuality identity was. I mean, I knew I was attracted to girls, guys, and anyone, really. But I didn't know how to label myself – queer, bisexual, and pansexual were all labels I considered – and couldn't really verbalize anything I was feeling. Mostly, I just felt confused, which stalled my coming out to people, which prevented me from dating whoever I wanted to date. It was just a great ride of confusion, TBH, and even since choosing a label – pansexual, which means I'm attracted to anyone, regardless of gender identity – I constantly am wondering if it's right or correct or accurate or whatever. Why can't I just be, seriously.

I slowly began telling people in my life I was queer (I later more identified with pansexual as a label) after the 2016 election because I was afraid of Vice President Mike Pence's attitude toward the gay community. I wanted to be a visible, out person, which entailed having to explain to family members what that actually meant. Once I was out, I became more confident flirting with girls in real life. That translated to leaving on the 'men and women' gender setting, and eventually, going out with women.

Tinder For Gay Women Over 40

Of course, I do occasionally need a break from dating apps – especially when being stalked on social media by people I've rejected on apps (this has happened from a variety of genders, FYI) – but usually come back after a couple of months feeling ready to swipe again. What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic.

Tinder For Gay Women Free

I've only been single since coming out (although I think Ruby Rose tweeting something I wrote means we are actually married), but having the ability to talk to other queer girls on dating apps such as Tinder has given me much more confidence in my identity than I was before it, and for that, well, thanks technology.